Menendez Retirement Options
A Few Ideas for New Jersey’s Bob Menendez If He Decides (Or is Forced) to Leave the U.S. Senate
The media is starting to turn against Bob Menendez but his Senate allies are standing firm… for now.
It never hurts to be prepared for any eventuality, Save Jerseyans, so in the unlikely event that the bottom falls out on Senator Menendez’s career in what was once known as “the World’s Greatest Deliberative Body,” here are a few unsolicited ideas for his post-Senate life:
A willingness to interact freely with the indigenous population is key to any successful diplomatic mission.
(2) Apply to be a Eye Doctor’s Receptionist in West Palm Beach, Florida
(3) Head to Television as the New Celebrity Pitchman for Travelocity.com
A few round-trip flights to the Caribbean for $58,000? I’m not sure that’s much of a bargain but hey, virtually any press is good press in the world of marketing, and clearly the Junior New Jersey Senator knows something about travel to that region that we don’t.
(4) Hire Tommy Lee Jones to chase him around the country until he can clear his name
It worked for Harrison Ford.
(5) Land a Gig as a Contestant on Next Season’s ‘Dancing with the Stars’
It didn’t really work for Tom Delay, but maybe Bob picked up some good moves in the Dominican Republic that haven’t made their way to Sugar Land, Texas?
(6) Contract to Work as a Consultant for The Onion
Look at the success they’ve had with Joe Biden parodies? Menendez’s antics over the years — alleged and confirmed alike — are an untapped gold mine for the uber-popular comedy mockpaper.
(7) Get Sent to Las Vegas by Harry Reid to “Learn the Casino Business”
Democrats continue to stand by Menendez though they don’t have much faith in his abilities. So if the Democrat Don of Clark County, Nevada still believes in Bob Menendez, or at least thinks he can be useful, then maybe Senator Reid can find work for him out west where he can’t embarrass the rest of us back east? (Hat tip to the Godfather Part I).
(8) Start Dating Selena Gomez Publicly
The tabloids claim Justin Bieber didn’t do right by the young star. This might be Bob’s big chance to swoop in and look like Prince Charming! A good ‘ole fashioned manufactured Hollywood romance (and the good press that goes along with it) couldn’t hurt him right now.
(9) Legally Change His Name to “Marco Rubio II” and Run for President as a Republican 2016
I’ve heard the GOP has a Hispanic problem? Run with it, Bob.
(10) Run for a Seat in the U.S. House of Representatives
He was there once before. And if the likes of Charles Rangel are still allowed to hang his hat there, Save Jerseyans, then it’s obvious that just about anything goes in the “lower” chamber.
What did I miss, Save Jerseyans?
Let’s hear your ideas…