America is Waiting on “Rickomnich”

Or “Gingmitterry.” Call this hypothetical apex political predator whatever you want!

All I know is that the more I watch of these Republican presidential primary debates, the more your Blogger-in-Chief instinctively wishes that conservative scientists could figure out a way to splice the genes of Mitt RomenyNewt Gingirch, and Rick Perry into a single supercandidate DNA strand. The resulting creature, “Rickomnich,” would be an electoral force to be reckoned with from the moment it emerged from the primordial primary season ooze.

He would have Mitt Romney’s presidential presence, classy disposition and practical private sector experience.

He’d also possess Rick Perry’s humble background, jobs creation record and at least a little bit of the famous Texas swagger that engages a large portion of the GOP base below the Mason Dixon line.

And he would boast the issue confidence, ability to articulate conservative principles and, most importantly of all, the requisite comfort level to articulately attack, attack, ATTACK the current regime presently manifested by Speaker Gingrich in the first full series of Republican debates.

Of course none of my “Rickomnich” rescue fantasy seems realistic, right? It’s science fiction! Just like… something in the Universe moving faster than light?

You see what I’m getting at, Save Jersyans. At least I hope you do. In case you don’t, let me spell it out: if a guy like Einstein can be proven wrong, then it stands to reason that a small but significant number of Tea Party stalwarts stubbornly waiting for an ideological messiah can be wrong, too.

The inalterable truth is that there isn’t a perfect Republican candidate out there! Ronald Reagan wasn’t a perfect candidate in 1980; in fact, he was an just as liberal as governor of California as Mitt Romney was in Massachusetts. If we’re comparing governships, then my main man Chris Christie looks like Barry Goldwater when stacked up against Mitt and Ronnie’s respective state house tenures!

In the end, my dear Save Jersey faithful, Republicans are going to have to choose between imperfect men. There’s no getting around it. The good news is that we don’t need a perfect man. We need the right man. My ultimate point is that an imperfect reality doesn’t mean we can’t pick someone with ordinary human flaws who will put forth an extraordinary, winning effort next fall! As I see it, our task isn’t to overanalyze someone’s political beliefs from fifteen years ago or his or her one poor decision in twenty years of service. Rather, it is to effectively judge the candidate pool according to a realistic rubric designed to tease out which politician stands the best chance of (1) defeating Barack Obama before subsequently (2) reversing the damage wrought on our Republic during his first term in office.

My plan is to wait, listen, and see who can evolve closest to “Rickomnich” — a courageous conservative who can effectively articulatewhy he is a conservative — by the time actual voting gets underway early next year. Then we’ll have a leader whom I’m proud to call “my candidate” and the next President of the United States.

6 thoughts on “America is Waiting on “Rickomnich”

  1. And this is how republican candidates…and republicans in general… treat the brave men and women who are defending this country…disgraceful. Just disgraceful.

    Republican presidential debate in Florida: Gay soldier booed, asks about 'Don't Ask Don't Tell'

    An audience at the Republican presidential debate in Orlando did not greet a gay soldier with open arms Thursday. In fact, they booed him.

    The jeering came after Stephen Hill, a soldier stationed in Iraq, asked via video about the recent repeal of the 1993 law that banned gay military personnel from serving openly in the military.

    Hill, in a gray "Army" T-shirt, told the candidates at the Fox News-Google debate that he had to "lie about who I was because I'm a gay soldier. I didn't want to lose my job."

    "My question is, under one of your presidencies, do you intend to circumvent the progress that's been made for gay and lesbian soldiers in the military?" he asked.

    After his video ended, loud boos were immediately heard from a number of people in the audience. The heckling elicited no reaction from the presidential hopefuls.

    GOProud, a group representing gay conservatives, blasted Santorum after the debate, and insisted he owes Hill an apology.

    "Tonight, Rick Santorum disrespected our brave men and women in uniform … That brave gay soldier is doing something Rick Santorum has never done – put his life on the line to defend our freedoms and our way of life. It is telling that Rick Santorum is so blinded by his anti-gay bigotry that he couldn't even bring himself to thank that gay soldier for his service."

  2. “Rickomnich” would be a wife cheater who flip flops on every issue and forces little girls to undergo dangerous medical treatments.

    Not impressed by the idea, Matt!

  3. I'll accept this article's account as accurate for the sake of argument. The UK article said "several" people booed. There were hundreds of people there. Why does Santorum have to apologize because a few folks in the audience allegedly acted inappropriately? Did he encourage riotous behavior? Not from what I saw/read/heard. And even if he hypothetically did say something stupid, how would that apply to "all Republican candidates?"

    Moreover, if a group of people "booed," then perhaps it happened because they didn't agree with his position? And not out of respect to the armed forces? Did anyone throw foreign objects at video screen, spit at him, call him a "babykiller," or perpetrate any of the extreme, violent reactions typically witnessed at liberal anti-war demonstrations?

    And most importantly: what does this comment have to do with the rise of “Rickomnich," Mr. Ambrosia?

    Think before you comment. You know I have tough standards. I think Brian & Co. have been too easy on you.

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