Booker declares: I’m an ‘authentic’ heterosexual!

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Gropacus (f/k/a “Cory Booker”) is getting ready to launch his presidential campaign.

To hold the Media’s attention? New Jersey’s junior U.S. Senator delved into a topic he’s always avoided but which garners plenty of speculation.

“I’m heterosexual,” Booker told The Philadelphia Inquirer. ”Every candidate should run on their authentic self, tell their truth, and more importantly, or mostly importantly, talk about their vision for the country.”

Click here for the complete Inky piece.

Booker would be the first single president since James Buchanan, also a Democrat, whose weak leadership helped precipitate the Civil War. Buchanan was succeeded by the first Republican president: Abraham Lincoln.