By Dale Glading
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If ever there was a time when Americans needed a little levity, it is now. And if ever there was a time when our politicians inadvertently provided slapstick comedy for our amusement (and bemusement), it is also now.
And so, without further ado, here is my personal list of “Did You Hear the One About” jokes…
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…The Speaker of the House who fined a Republican congressman $1,500 for not passing through a metal detector on his way to the bathroom, but then flaunted her own rules by accessing the Capitol building through her own private entrance? You know, the one without a metal detector.
…The President who, after criticizing his opponent throughout the campaign for not having a pandemic plan, basically adopting the same set of guidelines such as hand washing, mask wearing, social distancing, and proactive testing? This same President also mocked his predecessor’s promise to deliver a COVID vaccine by the end of 2020; but was only too glad to be bumped to the front of the line when the shots became available in record time.
…The congresswoman from New York who described her “near-death” experience during the Capitol riot, which inconveniently – for the veracity of her story – took place more than ¼ mile from her location?
…The congresswoman from New York (yep, the same one) who described how she tried to stay silent in her closet while rioters outside her office shouted, “Where is she?” Except, again, for the inconvenient truth that the rioters were several football fields away.
…The President who called anyone using and abusing executive orders “a dictator,” only to sign more than 40 such orders during his first two weeks in office – a total that far eclipsed the total of his four predecessors combined?
…The Vice President who suggested that displaced coal miners find jobs “reclaiming abandoned land mines?” No, really, she said that… live… in a radio interview… broadcast in West Virginia… which is coal country USA.
…The cabinet-level Climate Advisor who dismissively told laid-off pipeline workers to get jobs building solar panels? Unfortunately for him (and them), most solar panels are manufactured in China, which makes for a rather long commute. And yeah, those job skills aren’t exactly transferable – but how is a guy married to the Heinz ketchup heiress supposed to know that?
…The same cabinet-level Climate Advisor deflecting criticism about the 114 metric tons of carbon his private plane emits every year, saying that “people like him” can’t take public transportation or fly commercially?
…The President who promised – twice in the same press announcement – that 300 Americans would be vaccinated by this summer? Not 300,000 or 300 million, but 300. That equates to less than 1/1,000,000th of our population. Way to set the bar high, Joe!
…The Democrats in Congress impeaching and then trying to convict President Trump for “inciting an insurrection” after they repeatedly sanctioned inner-city riots, looting, and arson this past summer? I can’t wait to see those video clips at the Senate trial.
…The Democrats in Congress citing a single incident of a former administration official being impeached after he left office (William Belknap in 1876) as a solid legal precedent? One instance in 245 years, yep, that’s a real gamechanger.
…The Democrats in Congress – I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself, they provide so much funny material – voting to remove a Republican congresswoman from her committee assignments for something she said while allowing a Democratic congressman who slept with a Chinese spy to remain on the House Intelligence Committee? Or a Democratic senator from California to stay on the Senate Intelligence Committee after she failed to realize (for more than 20 years) that her personal chauffeur was also a Chinese foreign agent?
…The CDC telling people – with a straight face, I presume – not to cheer during the Super Bowl and to stagger bathroom use so as to avoid congestion during high-trafficked times such as commercials and halftime?
…Dr. Anthony Fauci telling a reporter that if wearing one mask helps prevent the spread of COVID (it doesn’t) that common sense dictates that wearing two masks (or more) would offer even greater protection… and then walking back his comments the next day… and then repeating his assertions the day after that? (Please accept my personal apologies for using Dr. Fauci’s name and the term “common sense” in the same sentence.)
…Gov. Andrew Cuomo writing a book about his “expert” handling of the pandemic and being awarded an Emmy for his self-congratulatory press conferences, only to discover that he fudged the number of nursing home fatalities in New York and is actually guilty of mass murder?
…Gov. Tom Wolf of Pennsylvania requiring residents to wear masks inside their own homes whenever they have company? Sounds logical – and enforceable – to me!
I could go on and on, but you get the idea: we are being ruled by buffoons and hypocrites.
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Dale Glading is an ordained minister and former N.J. Republican candidate for Congress.
