Focus On Family, Not Legislation

The Roots of Violence Can’t Be Addressed By New Gun Controls

By Dale Glading | The Save Jersey Blog

American FamilyPick up a newspaper in any major city in America and I guarantee that you will read about a recent rash of shootings or some other acts of violence. Tragically, this same scenario is now being played out in suburbs and small towns across America.

Yes, murders and other violent crimes are extremely troubling. However, they are also somewhat preventable.

Unfortunately, the cure won’t come easily or immediately. There simply isn’t a short-term fix for a problem that has been brewing for the past several generations.

I speak of the breakdown of the American family. Specifically, out-of-wedlock births.

Study after study shows that the best possible environment for raising a child is a stable, intact two-parent household. And by two parents I mean one father and one mother.

Similar studies also show that the number one predictor of life-long poverty is out-of-wedlock birth.

Tragically, more than 70% of African American births are currently out-of-wedlock. The statistics for Latinos (53.4%) and Whites (29%) are substantially lower, but climbing dramatically.

So who is to blame? The media? Hollywood?

Try men.

Specifically, men who refuse to act like real men.

I have seen them first-hand for the past 26 years, ministering in prisons across the U.S. and Canada. Lacking a positive male role model themselves, they repeat and perpetuate the same vicious cycle by fathering children of their own outside of marriage.

In other words, without making any commitment whatsoever to their child or their child’s mother, they contribute to and even exacerbate the problem.

And so, the child winds up being raised by a single mom or a grandparent – and in many cases, subsidized by the state and federal governments. If that child is a boy, chances are he will grow up to father an out-of-wedlock child of his own. If that child is a girl, statistics show that she is at a much higher risk of becoming pregnant at a very young age while she is still single.

Simply put, young men who grow up without a dad in the home are far more likely to do poorly in school, join a gang, commit a crime and yes, father a child out-of-wedlock.

Years ago, my sister gave our father a plaque which still hangs next to his bathroom mirror, 11 years after his passing. It simply reads – “Anyone can be a father; but it takes someone special to be a dad.”

Until men start being dads and not just fathers, the current situation will continue to get worse.

So what will it take for men to realize that fathering a child outside of marriage isn’t cool or even acceptable? On the contrary, getting a girl pregnant and then abandoning her is one of the least cool things a guy can do.

Until men start to grow up, women are going to have to do some of the growing up for them. That means refusing to become intimate with a man before he places a ring on your finger and walks you down the aisle.

Sound old fashioned? Perhaps. But you know what? It works. In fact, it has worked for centuries.

How about we give it another try?

36 thoughts on “Focus On Family, Not Legislation

  1. A whole lot of nonsense. I love how old, conservative white men spew garbage like this and then back it up with that generic talking point, "Multiple studies show that…" blah, blah, blah. Damned if you or anybody who regurgitates that talking point over and over can actually cite any specific study to back that claim up.

    There are many kids who were raised in my neighborhood growing up that had one parent that grew up to be good, productive, hard working people, mainly because they watched their mother or father work really hard to support them while they were growing up. Likewise, there are also plenty of kids with both parents in their lives who are abused and mistreated, myself included. Of course, people of your ilk won't focus on that, all you see are your black and white stereotypes propped up by neoconservative white America.

    If we have a problem with out of wedlock births in this country, it has nothing to do with waiting until marriage, it has to do with the fact that we spent decades as a nation taking a puritanical attitude towards sex education and people like you have fought tooth and nail against properly educating children on the subject in schools. Should parents be the primary source, absolutely. However, re-enforcing education on the subject in school is not a bad thing. It should be encouraged.

    Wedlock does not make men or women instantly better parents, nor does being a single parent instantly make you an inferior parent. Sometimes, it's quite the contrary and your narrow world view should not dictate how people should live their lives. Quite frankly, it's none of your business.

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