Phil Murphy’s holiday gathering commands include no hugging, singing, or loud music

TRENTON, N.J. – If you’re anticipating a boring guest list for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, Save Jerseyans? You’ll probably be compliant with Governor Phil Murphy’s list of “don’ts” – unveiled on Monday – which he says will keep you safe from COVID-19. Congratulations!

By the way: it’s a very interesting list…

  • Limit your gathering to 10 guests
  • Impose a 14-day quarantine ahead of dinner between anyone who doesn’t reside in the same household
  • Enforce 6 feet of distance between people who don’t live together at the actual event
  • No handshakes
  • No hugs
  • No direct contact
  • Outdoors > indoors
  • Encourage hand-washing
  • Masks! Of course. Whenever you’re not eating or drinking.
  • Provide extra masks, hand sanitizer, etc., for your guests.
  • Use disposable towles and eating utensils/plates

Tha’s a real list, folks!

The indoor gathering occupancy limit is an actual order; the other “guideline” rules are also accurately classified as commands because the Murphy Administration is telling us that we’re going to die – or cause others to die – if we don’t follow the promulgated state guidelines.

And no, despite how the list reads, Governor Murphy isn’t the pastor from Footloose. John Lithgow and Phil Murphy share a hairline but that’s about it in the talent department.

Long-time readers may remember my satirical “10 Rules for Accommodating Liberal Relatives” post which we re-post every year around Thanksgiving. It’s feeling less and less like a joke with every passing year.