Cross-Posted from DaleGlading.com
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“How can anyone govern a nation that has 246 different kinds of cheese?”
– Charles de Gaulle, President of France, 1959-1969
I feel your pain, Charles. By the way, may I call you Chuck?
Well, Chuck, I see your point and agree 100%. After all, if I were to stop into a fromagerie (a French cheese shop), I had better have all afternoon to spare because it is going to take at least that long for the shopkeeper to list the various kinds of cheeses that he sells. Then comes the taste testing – “Est-ce-que je peux gouter celui-ci?” – followed by the actual decision to buy… after which I must select just the right bread or crackers to go with it. You talk about pressure! It’s a good thing I don’t drink, or pairing the correct wine to go with my bread and cheese might require an overnight stay.
But back to your main point, Chuck. I get it, I really do. When a country is splintered over something as inconsequential as cheese, what chance does it have when it comes to selecting a national language?
Excusez-moi, Chuck, I didn’t mean to insult you. I had no idea that you Frenchmen take your fromage so seriously. After all, here in the U.S. we have American, cheddar, Swiss, provolone, pepper jack, and muenster along with a few other pretenders. But guess what we have more different kinds of than France has cheese?
Languages. More specifically, languages in which – by law – election ballots must be printed.
I know you think I’m pulling your jambe (leg), but I’m serious. Here are just a few languages in which some jurisdictions are required to print their ballots…
Arabic, Armenian, Hmong, Korean, Persian, Spanish, Syriac, and Tagalog. And that’s just in California, Chuck. In Cook County, Illinois, the commissioners just mandated that ballots be printed in eight new languages in addition to English, Spanish, Chinese and Hindi. Not content with 12, they then added Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Russian, Ukrainian, and Urdu to make it 18… and counting.
Thanks to a 1975 amendment to the Voting Rights Act of 1965, jurisdictions must provide language assistance if more than 10,000 or 5% of voting-age citizens belong to a single language minority group, have depressed literacy rates, and don’t speak English very well.
I kid you not, Chuck. And yes, I know that France would never stand for such nonsense. Just try asking for a ballot printed in Urdu or Tagalog at the polls in Paris and see what kind of reaction you get.
Offering cheese in hundreds of different flavors is one thing. Printing ballots in scores of different languages is another.
I can promise you one thing, Chuck. If I were in charge of the voting process here, we would print all ballots in English, period. The only exception would be if a voting district was more than 50% Spanish-speaking. I would also make an exception for direct descendants of Benjamin Franklin, who wanted our national language to be German… and our national emblem to be a turkey. No, you’re right, Chuck, you can’t make this stuff up.
On a more serious note, what kind of country emphasizes its differences instead of its similarities. After all, our national motto is E pluribus unum, which means “out of many, one.”
What do you mean that’s Latin, Chuck? No, we aren’t going to print ballots in some dead language that only Julius Caesar and a few priests can speak… and you see where that got him, right? Et tu, Chuck?
What do you mean Julius Caesar is dead? President Biden just said that he spoke with him a few days ago and he was glad to hear that America is back. Or was that Mitterrand, you know, the President of Mexico.
Oh well, Viva la France!
By the way, Chuck, not to correct you or anything, but there are actually more than 350 different types of French cheese. Just saying. Of course, since you died in 1970, a lot of those new-fangled flavors may have been invented after your mort naturelle d’une personne.
That’s French for death by natural causes, Chuck. R.I.P.
