10 reasons why Chris Christie ‘turned down’ Trump for Chief of Staff

By Matt Rooney

There are a number of totally legitimate reasons Chris Christie might have rebuffed Donald Trump’s Chief of Staff overtures (assuming that’s what really happened), Save Jerseyans.

Here are some much more fun possibilities:


(1) Christie is holding out for the job he REALLY wants: hosting the Oscars.

(2) He’s tried listening to his Springsteen albums in the West Wing and the acoustics suck.

(3) Jared Kushner keeps maliciously hiding Christie’s binder every time the former governor visits the White House and, frankly, it was funny the first time but it’s becoming a little hurtful. 

(4) Too many Nationals fans down there for a Mets fanatic to stomach.

(5) It’s very awkward to keep correcting Melania every time the First Lady gushes about how much she “loved him in Animal House.”



(6) The Secret Service wanted his code name to be “Beach Chair.” 

(7) Steve Sweeney’s late night collect calls inquiring how best to “f*** with Murphy” would get old (and expensive) pretty quickly.

(8) UberEats doesn’t deliver to the West Wing.

(9) For some unknown reason, the Vice President has expanded his “Pence Rule” to include Christie. 

(10) It’s much harder to justify a “traffic study” when they city is laid out on a grid pattern.